Question

Ambassadors Training Session 3 for Cohorts 3 and 2.

Answer 1

We just talked about communication. Now we want to take this into the next step. Where does communication help you with conflict resolution?

Before I get started by showing how conflict happens online, I want to take a moment to say that as an ambassador we do not want you to try and seek out conflicts to resolve. However, there will be times when you are in chat or a post ans someone will make things much worse through carelessness. We want you to be ready to not make things worse in those cases. If you can make them better too, great. But the primary goal is for you to learn how to avoid making things worse.

Conflict is something we see all the time. On the web, conflict has a lot to do with desinhebition theory. This blog post talks a bit about desinhebition and how it happens:

http://www.spring.org.uk/2010/08/six-causes-of-online-disinhibition.php

So, you are going to find people online are more prone to be part of the problem. The question then becomes, how can you be part of the solution. Overall, this is a very wide topic area called conflict resolution. In fact, it is an entire masters degree:
http://ce.columbia.edu/negotiation-and-conflict-resolution

Obviously, we can't teach you a whole degree in a week. However, we can teach a bit about why the "be nice" rule of OpenStudy is an important one to follow. By being nice and working towards understand the feelings of the other party you can work towards a solution rather than just having a fight.

Lets start with some generic ideas and how they deal with conflict:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpnh9EECMOg

Note: These topics are covered in modern college classes. The information given on that video is compatible with many business and communications classes.

People tend to just argue. Back and forth, people get stuck in their emotional strongholds with neither wanting to give. However, not much on OpenStudy is really worth fighting over. What makes it worse is that you can not see the person on the other side so you can not tell how emotionally invested you are in the problem.

You need to be able to step down the emotional side of things. Remember those sections on I language?
What is I language:
http://www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.org/i-language-2/

The use of I language in relationship building:
http://verysmartgirls.com/relationship-communication-skills/i-language-series-responsibility-and-building-relationships/

That is what we are talking about here. Use talking about how you feel and working towards understanding how they feel. This can remove the resistance that is keeping the conflict alive. Then you can move forward to a resolution.

Remember also that in all communication there is noise. Take some time to make sure you understand the other person. Do not assume anything. Tell them how what they are saying sounds to you. See if they say that is correct or if they mean something else.

Above all else, do your best to NOT blame or attack the person. That just feeds the conflict.

Lauren Mackler at Harvard Business School - Managing Conflict:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZOVWzKzpNg

Note her comments on assumptions, emotional reactions and controlling them, reality checks, I language, assertive vs. aggressive, and you should language.

And finally, here is something far more specific to what you will deal with on OpenStudy. Conflict in Cyberspace: How to Resolve Conflict Online by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist http://users.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/conflict.html

As I said above, these skills are ones taught at colleges. Many of these references are directly from university materials. They are a practical look at the causes of conflict and how by utilizing small changes in your language you can be a part of the solution.


Cohort 3:
@Data_lg2 @TheSmartOne @k_lynn @confluxepic @sleepyjess @deepika.comet @pooja195
@Jaynator495 @Luigi0210

Cohort 2:
@sammixboo @YanaSidlinskiy @girlover @shreehari499 @asevilla5 @Broskishelleh

C2 did not get this material... only about 3 were left at this point and they did not have issues.


Now for the question: how do you think you can use these types of communications skills to help prevent exscalationg or even reduce the size of conflicts you see on OpenStudy?

Answer 2

is this for the new ambassadors?

Answer 3

Gir, I did not go over this with Cohort 2, so I am playing some catchup at the same time.

Answer 4

ok so for both of the groups?

Answer 5

Yah.

Answer 6

The online disinhibition effect article was really good.
This might be helpful.
http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2013-05/30/online-aggression

Answer 7

Nicely written Eric! You explained everything about: ''Where does communication help you with conflict resolution?'' --- In such a detailed and concise manner and only in just a few paragraphs, wow. I think you deserve a whack for typing all that up and putting it into perspective. I hope the new ambis take a message from this and put it into use. Amen.

Answer 8

I like the "I" vs "You".

I understand it. Using "You" put burden and responsibility on the other person which they won't like. Using "I" puts the responsibility on yourself.

Answer 9

This can help resolve a lot of issues and confusions and arguments throughout the chats. Many people misunderstand others and we need to use texting communication to show how we feel. Use faces or capitals. As ambassadors we want to keep the chats happy and friendly and welcome people as well as keep them clean. We can use multiple ways to help the chats be friendly.

Answer 10

I reckon this post should be acknowledged to everyone on OS and not just the ambis; since ''online'' conflicts, arguments, etc - is a worldly issue and not just a group of people.

Answer 11

Yes, well, it is required for the ambis but I could do it on Yammer and keep it private. I put it here to help others.

Answer 12

Conflux, on that page you linked, couple comments.

The lack of eye contact issue can also be seen in older research, like the Stanford Prison Experiment by Dr. Zimbardo. The guards all wore dark and/or reflective sunglasses. This helped the emotional disconnect between the guards and the prisoners.

The making people feel as outsiders solution also goes to the effectiveness of Hell Bans. When Hell Banned, people tend to fall off on their abusive activity. A Hell Ban is a type of ban that leaves a person on a web site. It just limits their traffic so that only they see it. Thus, it looks to them like everyone is simply ignoring them.

Answer 13

1. "To fight or to take off and run away"? To fight means you're brave, to take off means you're a coward but it depends on the situation. I think in Openstudy, 'report and leave' is the best way to reduce a conflict(which is like running away). If users started to comment on the aggressor's idea, the problem will become bigger. (There are plenty examples that happened in OS, but no need to point out all those things). If other users just ignore the person who started the conflict, then sure that person will give up. (hell ban)

2. "Agree to Disagree". One should be able to let go of things-forgive and understand. This one should be noted in the religion section(ofc other subjects too). Users should accept that people have different views and opinions and one should not force other people to believe what they believe. If they want to diagree with other person's view, they should start with something like, "i never thought of that. That's a nice point, however....".

3. "Stay calm" and "Don't respond right away". If you let your anger out, it is more likely that you will be the one who will cause a bigger conflict. When someone told you that, "yeah, you suck at helping"-stay calm, set you're mind straight and just say sorry for trying to help the user when no one does, then ignore the user in the furture if he/she tagged you. No just kidding, it's better not say anything at all-just leave. Another thing is if someone posted some unusual post, try to ask the asker for more details first before jumping into conclusions because other people are more likely to follow you.

4. "Do some REALITY CHECK, never do any assumptions" & "put yourself in other people's shoes". Know the reason why a person behaves that way before you react into something. They maybe facing problems in real life, so it's better to stay neutral than to keep giving feedbacks against to that person. Openstudiers, usually tend to express their problems in chat boxes as I have observed. Some people really needs someone to talk to but other people in the chat boxes are just shutting them down-maybe this is also the reason why most users have claimed about 'bullying' in OS.

From all the links, I like this the most:
http://users.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/conflict.html
It's summarizes everything that we have to know. And from the first link, "people who have difficulty when communicating face-to-face can become eloquent and courteous when online." Totally me (very expressive online but can't talk properly in real life) -_-

Answer 14

"To fight or to take off and run away"?
This reminds me of the --- ''Fight-or-flight response'' (in humans)
You either fight, or you flight.

Answer 15

Mira, yes, it is from that principal. Fight-flight-freeze. But many see freeze as a form of flight without movement. That is the sort of thing the amygdala hijack is all about. Strong, rapid reactions based on age old instincts. However, as learned vertebrates we can make sure we are not slaves to our emotions and the reactions they prompt.

Answer 16

*Comment to show i read it*

Answer 17

Well, Jay, that is a start... just once you weed through it all, remember to:

Now for the question: how do you think you can use these types of communications skills to help prevent exscalationg or even reduce the size of conflicts you see on OpenStudy?

Answer 18

And yes, I know that is similar to training 2. I need to revise them a bit to make 2 shorter and put some of the more conflict related stuff into 3. Then make 2 more about the qualitative analysis and keep 3 about conflict.

Answer 19

Simalar? your almost asking the same thing in a different way xD

Answer 20

Yah. The first was on communication skills... but in C1 I asked it differently and it became a mess. In C2 I changed it to avoid the mess, but now the questions are too similar.

Answer 21

Talking like a professional user would do much of it. Using the knowledge and brains you have, try to talk nicely regarding the circumstances. If it gets worse move on with something else. I had a situation once where someone got really mad at me because I told them Direct answers weren't allowed. Of course, it was in someone else's post. So I told them, "I do not wish to discuss this any further. If you do have anymore questions, you can message me. "(It is probably deleted because I don't seem like I can find it.) That user messaged me and started saying rude things to me. But Kept on being nice. I replied like usual nice and professional. A little later that user sends me a message saying: I was just doing it to see what your reaction would be. So now we are friends. He never fights with me, never rude, or anything like that.

Answer 22

His rudeness did not affect me in any way.

Answer 23

@e.mccormick Thank you for this! Would Psy help in any way?

Answer 24

Psy?
http://www.soompi.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/north-korea-psy-wide-800x450.jpg

Answer 25

^^^Hahhah!

Answer 26

\(\color{blue}{\text{Originally Posted by}}\) @e.mccormick
Mira, yes, it is from that principal. Fight-flight-freeze. But many see freeze as a form of flight without movement. That is the sort of thing the amygdala hijack is all about. Strong, rapid reactions based on age old instincts. However, as learned vertebrates we can make sure we are not slaves to our emotions and the reactions they prompt.
\(\color{blue}{\text{End of Quote}}\)

Hmm. Eric I am not too sure about the freeze bit of that cycle, how does that work?
It's not like I will see a dog and just freeze and let it mutter on me and then slowly, without any reaction, execute me.

I would either fight or flight. I will fight it with using my mod tools, and I will only flight off to the admins when the danger is out of my hands. But I will not freeze, just because I hate freezing; it makes my skin numb and sore and that means I can’t handle my mod duty properly. I'd say a majority of the ambees hate freezing but love to either fight 1O1, or flight off to the mods.

Answer 27

@YanaSidlinskiy , I like it how you remained cool like ice, and sweet like ice cream. Be your best at all times, no matter what the situation be, bc it only take seconds to ruin your reputation.

Answer 28

Thanks, Mira. I do try my best at all times. ^ Exactly.

Answer 29

Mira, some people just lock up. They don't do anything.

Answer 30

hello my fellow ambassadors I gaze up to the stars seeing my self as in ambassador

Answer 31

Haha work hard, help others,stay out of trouble, be nice and TA DA! You can be one too! :D
As for the training I think the "go with the flow" method would work, make the person who is guilty look innocent and eventually the fight will stop right there.Another way this can be done is just try to get involved in the topic and slowly change it start by what they are fighting about and then tone it down a little by little and the the fight gradually disappears!
The of course there's always the option to just stay out of it and come back when it cools down or get a mod involved

Answer 32

I kinda like this: "Make the guilty person look innocent" LEL

Answer 33

Well i think it works the best :P by experience it does slow down fights

Answer 34

I agree. So if you're ever accused of a crime, I'll take you as innocent just for the sake of being an ambee. But in reality, that's not how it works.

Answer 35

LOL haha thanks :) yeah in reality it doesn't work that way but its the virtual world :P

Answer 36

Well, anything is possible in a virtual world

Answer 37

Yeah lol but in reality you would NOT make the person who is guilty look innocent...even on OS if they have said something that they shouldn't have or spammed like attar then thats something to report im talking about people who are in a group fight....fighting over some stupid reason :P

Answer 38

Well, yea those people have nothing to do other than fight. So all you can do is just make them look innocent, even when they're not – like you said. [=

Answer 39

In many cases they are not really guilty by themselves. Just one of a group making poor choices. Anything to break thay chain can really help.

Answer 40

Anything like a call for innocence

Answer 41

Obviously you would be able to attempt to avoid arguments using the "I" language. But sometimes users get defensive anyways. Some don't like to admit they're causing a problem, or some acknowledge it, but don't think it's a big deal. So using those techniques given, you can try to avoid an argument/conflict by stating how you feel, or how other users might feel and then attempting to calm down the other user. Doing that by possibly trying to change the subject or something of the kind. You could also try working things out with the other user. Discussing how you both feel and trying to resolve the issue from there.

Answer 42

Well, hopefully this posts since the app normally works when the site is down.

Sorry this is so late... but better late than never I guess

Conflicts really are unavoidable here. There's just too many people that want to create drama, but when conflicts do arise, to keep them from escalating you could just take a step back and looks at the other point of view. When looking at the other person's point of view, you'll understand their reasons and from that, you can be able to explain to them what they may be doing wrong using their train of thought not to offend them.

Answer 43

Yay! It posted :)