Question

Would someone tell me if my story is interesting so far if I post it?

Answer 1

I would :)

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

yess

Answer 4

We are here to help and to share our point of view with you. And we will be glad to read your story and tell you what we think about it. So, feel free to share it with us

Answer 5

Sure

Answer 6

It had been an extensive night, it had been raining and the weather was frigid. Only one blanket was to be shared between Shmuel and 4 others on the single bunk bed. It was merely exhausting to have 12 hours of hard labor onto a person to complete throughout the day with no breaks avail. Dinner wasn’t fulfilling to Shmuel’s appetite and he was striving for something more, but he didn’t dare speak a word for that would induce punishment. He had survived another day behind the fence, and a boy named Bruno hadn’t a single piece of knowledge of what would happen behind closed walls. This was the reality of the Holocaust.

  Shmuel has had draining days before, but this morning’s roll call was vile. He wasn’t aloud to speak or let alone move during the order of the prisoners, including the one’s who died during the night. During Shmuel’s break at noon, he would more often than not sit by the large, wire fence.

“Why can’t I live over there?” Shmuel thought, staring at the houses which were planted outside of the fence. “It must be nice to have control over your own life. No barking or restrictions, just fun.”

   He thought of this not excessively, but often enough that he never forgot the idea. He didn’t do much but draw in the dirt with his pointer finger, as this was the only creative thing he could do. Shmuel remembers the days when him and his father would paint. It was purely a hobby along with working at the watch shop. Shmuel’s father had given him a watch one day, and he held it close to his heart. Though, before going on the train to the huts, a soldier had snatched it away from his hands. Shmuel could still outline every crevasse of the detailing in the metal timepiece. How dearly he wished he could go back to those days. In what universe could being locked up be okay? How could this be better?

  Not before long, a boy was standing before Shmuel on the opposite side of the fence. He was short, and was certainly taken care of well, for he had washed clothes and a full stomach. His hair was a type of silky black, and his eyes were deep blue. The boy sat down across from Shmuel.

 “Hello, I’m Bruno.” The boy said. “What’s your name?”
 
 “Shmuel.”

 “ I’ve never heard of that name before.” Bruno said, with a slight tilt of his head.

 “ Oh, well I think Bruno is a nice name.” Shmuel said politely.

 “Thanks! My mom is really into German culture, and Bruno is a classic. I don’t know why we moved here. I liked it back home in Germany, it’s the best country ever.” Bruno stated.

 “But Poland is nice too.” Shmuel inputted.

 “ Yea, I guess it is, but not better than Germany.” Bruno responded.

 “Why did you come over here?” Shmuel almost didn’t even want to ask, but he couldn’t resist. He didn’t understand why Bruno was talking to him. He was dirty and sad, and did not look very inviting.

“I came over here because… because….” Bruno stuttered, not sure what to say.

“Because you look lonely.” Bruno finally said.

  Shmuel looked up from the dirt for a second. He saw the genuine intent of friendliness in Bruno’s face. Shmuel hasn’t seen a gleam of hope in a person in a long time. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He hasn’t sensed what seems like the possibility for a relationship with someone in what felt like a year. It felt like this stranger had a good purpose to talk to Shmuel. His life has been overcome with useless work, sparse meals, and lots of hatred being thrown around by the soldiers.

Then, there was this boy, the same age as Shmuel who didn’t hate, he didn’t want anyone to suffer. He just wanted to have a friend. Shmuel didn’t know what to make of this, so he got up.

“I-I-ve got to go” Shmuel said walking backwards, stuttering his words.

“ Okay, can we meet back here tomorrow?” Bruno said.

“Sure…. goodbye!” Shmuel said and then backed away before Bruno could say another word.

Shmuel then went back to work before the soldiers realized he was by the fence talking. Bruno walked back to his house wondering why Shmuel had acted that way, and decided he was going to see him once more.

The next day, Shmuel and Bruno met at the fence like they agreed. Bruno had wanted to talk to Shmuel more because he was wondering why he had suddenly left short before. Though the words never came out of his mouth, he was still questioning Shmuel’s behavior, and he soon forgot about it.

Bruno and Shmuel had met daily for three weeks. Shmuel waited every day at the fence for Bruno with enthusiasm to talk to him. He felt like he finally had something nice to look forward to in his horrible day. Talking to Bruno gave him a little hope that someday he could come out of the fence and explore with him.

  The next day was a special day, at least to Shmuel. He had avoided telling Bruno why he ran away the first day they met, or why he can’t come outside of the fence to play with him. He didn’t know how to react to having a new friend. His old friends were left behind and he didn’t know what happened to them, they kind of just disappeared.

  While Shmuel was waiting at the fence, he was anxious to talk to Bruno.  He desired to express his platonic feelings towards him and how grateful he was to have Bruno as a friend. So consequently, Shmuel waited and waited, then waited some more. He waited until his break was over, but Bruno never came.

  Shmuel didn’t understand why Bruno hadn’t come to see him like he did all the weeks. He just assumed that maybe Bruno forgot or had gotten busy. Shmuel brushed it off and went back to his work without speaking to Bruno and thought he ought to visit the fence again the next day so that he could talk to Bruno then.

  The day afterwards, Shmuel awaited Bruno’s return to visit him once again and was disappointed when Bruno hadn’t arrived. He commenced an unsettling feeling while he sat in the dirt looking down the path where Bruno used to walk. Shmuel wanted to know where Bruno was and why he wasn’t sitting before him, talking about how he wanted to play with Shmuel.

 Shmuel waited intently. He waited each day for Bruno; for a total of a month, Shmuel anticipated for Bruno to come to the fence. Every day Shmuel became more upset and sad. Shmuel had no control over Bruno behind the fence but at this moment, Shmuel deeply longed to know where Bruno was.

Please let me know if I should fix anything. The story isn't done yet.

Answer 7

That was pretty good. Pretty catching and described wonderfully, however, there were few grammatical errors such as "he wasn't aloud to speak..." it should be allowed, that you should check upon in your story. otherwise, you are good to go :)

Answer 8

I liked it too. Especially, the word choice of yours is understandable and poetic. Good job! keep on going

Answer 9

@SkyVoltage @AllisonOS @ _Trilogy

Answer 10

#Talented oml.

Answer 11

Here is the second half. @AllisonOS @_Trilogy @Derek
 From the first day that Bruno missed meeting him, Shmuel’s excitement started to decrease. For a month, Shmuel sat in the dirt by the fence and would say there, awaiting Bruno’s daily visit. For a month, he expected to see the boy with the dark hair to sit down and discuss his daily adventures. For a month, Shmuel wanted do anything just to speak to Bruno one last time. In a month, Shmuel lost the only happiness he had left.

Now, Shmuel didn’t know what to do. The only person that Shmuel had considered a friend, was gone. Not a goodbye was exchanged; not even a last word. Bruno had just vanished and Shmuel never heard from him again.

 Lightning emitted through the evening sky. Shmuel and the other prisoners marched through the mud, being pushed by the soldiers the entire way. Shmuel just thought that this was another march that was done twice a day, but he didn’t recognize the route.

 After a few minutes of marching through the sludge, the prisoners reached a room. Shmuel was pushed through the door along with 50 other men. There was a lot of chaos going on in this room because nobody knew what was happening. Shmuel was confused and turned to another boy in striped pajamas, who was a few years older than him.

“What are we doing in this room? I’ve never been here before.” Shmuel asked the older boy.

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, at least we are out of the rain.” the older boy stated.

“ I guess you’re right, but I’m still curious.” Shmuel replied.

“Maybe it will be a good thing.” the older boy said, a few moments past.

Shmuel couldn’t hear much over the chaos, but he did hear a soldier yelling.

“It’s just a shower!” one of the soldiers yelled out.

“I haven’t had a shower in a long time.” Shmuel thought to himself.

Since everyone knew they were taking a shower, the stripped their clothes and placed them outside of the door. Then the lights shut off. There was panic and yelling. Shmuel didn’t think that this was going to be a nice shower and just continued to get pushed around by the other men. The door was shut and locked and the room was pitch black.

Shmuel’s heart was racing. He couldn’t think why the soldiers would turn of the lights so that nobody could see. The only other thing on Shmuel’s mind was how much he wanted to talk to Bruno. That seemed way better than being pushed around in a room where he was supposed to be taking a shower. The water wasn’t turned on and he had waited ten seconds after the lights were turned off.

Little did Shmuel know that those ten seconds were valuable. He spent those ten seconds thinking of Bruno. How Bruno would have made him smile in this situation. He would probably talk about his explorations and how his sister Gretel was a hopeless case, but mostly, how much he wanted to play with Shmuel and see him out of his striped pajamas outside of the fence.

The only thing was, Bruno wasn’t there. Shmuel didn’t know why he stopped visiting him. Was it because he did something wrong? Did he say something impolite and not realize it? Shmuel didn’t know what to make of the situation. All he knew was that he felt that it was his fault that Bruno stopped coming to the fence. His fault that Bruno never spoke to him again, and he couldn’t handle that. He felt a huge lump in his chest tighten as he wanted to cry. Shmuel was so up in his thoughts that he had forgotten that he was supposed to be taking a shower without the water running. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

That was the last thing Shmuel had thought before he died. The shower’s water was replaced with gas and suffocated him. The thing is, it was never supposed to be a shower. Shmuel had died in a gas chamber in which he thought was going to be a shower. The soldiers lied to prisoners so they would calm down, and then killed them.

As for Bruno, he went back to his home town and reunited with his friends. In the month in which Shmuel waited for Bruno, he was exploring with his three best friends for life and forgot about Shmuel. He never shed a tear or fought the move back home and didn’t even tell Shmuel goodbye. Bruno spent his days eating chocolate cake and playing on tire swings. Shmuel was malnourished and had to work hard all the hours that weren’t spent eating bread or sleeping, which was rare. Why Shmuel had been placed in a terrible environment like that, was never known by himself.

Shmuel loved it back when he was at his home in Poland. Not an imprisonment camp where he couldn’t talk. He spent his last day of life miserable. He was awoken by yelling, placed into roll call next to a prisoner who has passed away during the night, worked with his hands because he wasn’t giving a shovel, was beaten because he wasn’t working fast enough, and then lied to thinking he would take a shower. He spent his last ten seconds of life thinking about why he was given this life, why was he a variable of the Holocaust.

Answer 12

@Jason4Jesus

Answer 13

The narrator is clearly identified. One point of view is clearly established and used throughout the story.
Characters are clearly developed and descriptions of their thoughts and feelings are included.
The climax includes clearly identified and effective instances of both fast AND slow pace.
The narrative draft clearly includes vivid language to describe characters, settings, and events.
Conflict is clearly established, developed, and resolved.
Meaningful dialogue clearly adds to the plot in the rising action and falling action of the narrative
Plot events clearly follow a logical and effective progression and include exposition, rising action, climax, falling action and a resolution. An effective flashback or flash-forward is implemented and identified.
The narrative draft clearly demonstrates sentence variety and minimal grammatical errors that do not interfere with meaning. At least two semicolons are correctly used and identified.

Answer 14

You should write a freaking book.

Answer 15

@sarahmc @Isherron14 @iTz_Sid

Answer 16

@Cayla, have you already contacted somebody related to your work? I mean, your work is worth showing to somebody who is a professional at it. Who else is agreeing here with me?

Answer 17

You've wrote it very well. :)

Answer 18

@Derek I cant show my essay to my teacher unless I'm turning it in. Do you have a link to any free essay checkers?

Answer 19

This is great!!!

Answer 20

very nicely written :) for school i have to write a personal narrative and also a short story regarding classes during medieval ages, Im not great with writing with "conversations" and i was wondering if u could teach me xD

Answer 21

Sorry, @Cayla for being not an expert in it. I have written here before that Marvelous essay service is the good one where you can have your paper proofread. I use it sometimes when I am not sure about the quality of my writing

Answer 22

@ILovePuppiesLol Sure I can teach you XD. I got my tips form my English class. :P

Answer 23

I would recommend you to check the grammarly site. But, to be honest, It requires human's investigation. There is no software which can deal with that for 100%. I would better recommend you to check Supreme essay site. Those guys usually both proofread and edit my papers. So if you want you can give them a try. Best of luck!