Question

Someone help me with my peer review

Answer 1

Is the thesis clear?
Does the author use his or her own ideas in the thesis and argument?
Is the significance of the problem in the paper explained? Is the significance compelling?
Are the ideas developed logically and thoroughly?
Does the author use ethos effectively?
Does the author use pathos effectively?
Are different viewpoints acknowledged?
Are objections effectively handled?
Does the author give adequate explanations about sources used?
Are the sources well-integrated into the paper, or do they seem to be added in just for the sake of adding sources?
Is the word choice specific, concrete and interesting?
Are the sentences clear?
Is the overall organization of the argument effective?
Are the transitions between paragraphs smooth?
Are there any grammatical errors?

these are the questions i gotta answer

Answer 2

Is this your essay?

Answer 3

no peer review

Answer 4

So it's someone else in your class?

Answer 5

yes

Answer 6

Okay

Answer 7

thank you

Answer 8

Please redact the personal information therein. You can repost a new document.

Answer 9

i feel like the thesis isnt really pushing a strong idea but i wouldnt know

Answer 10

ok i wil

Answer 11

is that better

Answer 12

Yes

Answer 13

3rd body paragraph, tobacco is misspelled as 'tabacco'

Answer 14

the questions

Answer 15

Is the thesis clear?
Does the author use his or her own ideas in the thesis and argument?
Is the significance of the problem in the paper explained? Is the significance compelling?
Are the ideas developed logically and thoroughly?
Does the author use ethos effectively?
Does the author use pathos effectively?
Are different viewpoints acknowledged?
Are objections effectively handled?
Does the author give adequate explanations about sources used?
Are the sources well-integrated into the paper, or do they seem to be added in just for the sake of adding sources?
Is the word choice specific, concrete and interesting?
Are the sentences clear?
Is the overall organization of the argument effective?
Are the transitions between paragraphs smooth?
Are there any grammatical errors?

Answer 16

'Are there any grammatical errors?'

Answer 17

oh lol

Answer 18

It's the last question for a reason, it's by far the most important lol.

Answer 19

You can be terrible at getting an idea across, but at least you know how to spell the words, right?

Answer 20

yea

Answer 21

so for the thesis i feel it states that obesity is a problem but putting all the blame on all restaurants isnt really a general thesis

Answer 22

Underaged drinking is a problem caused by the strategic placement in the television industry.

Same structure of a thesis.

Answer 23

It's fine.

Answer 24

A thesis is just making a claim, then the essay is proving that claim.

Answer 25

You can argue whether if it's the correct thesis to attack the issue, but that's something I doubt you want to do haha.

Answer 26

true

Answer 27

give me one sec

Answer 28

Does the author use his or her own ideas in the thesis and argument?

Answer 29

sorry for the wait

Answer 30

What do you think?

Answer 31

i think the person used the article to push the claim

Answer 32

i dont think she used her own ideas

Answer 33

but im not too sure

Answer 34

i did it ok #3

Answer 35

I haven't read the article, but did some cursory browsing. She definitely takes the main arguments from the article and instead of making them her own, she trumps them around.

You can use a source to help make the essay, or make the essay the source. This essay errors on the latter.

Answer 36

got thaT

Answer 37

• Is the significance of the problem in the paper explained? Is the significance compelling?

Answer 38

What do you think?

Answer 39

here ill copy and paste

Answer 40

Does the author use his or her own ideas in the thesis and argument? The author used some main points and arguements from David Zinczenko article.

Answer 41

arguments*

Answer 42

fixed that

Answer 43

What do you think about this question: 'Is the significance of the problem in the paper explained? Is the significance compelling?'

Answer 44

The reader focuses on nutrition information at resturants but she was supposed to have 3 different points in each of the 3 paragraphs

Answer 45

like the paper is overall undeveloped

Answer 46

You don't need three points in an essay. That's just the format that schools ease you into. Three points and three body paragraphs to support the thesis presented in the introduction, wrapped up in the conclusion.

Answer 47

If it helps, you can see it as this writer having presented one point to prove her thesis, with three subpoints.

Answer 48

yea but that is the requirements for the paper

Answer 49

I don't see it in the questions. Is it in a rubric of some sort?

Answer 50

ill see if i can get it to u one sec

Answer 51

I don't see a requirement for three points.

Answer 52

well thats what my teacher stated in class not 3 points i mean 3 pieces of evidence she used from the article

Answer 53

• Is the significance of the problem in the paper explained? Is the significance compelling?
The significance of the problem is explained in the article but does not really push a strong narrative.

Answer 54

thats what i put

Answer 55

next question i already answered

Answer 56

Are the ideas developed logically and thoroughly? The paper lacks some evidence in each of the paragraphs not really pushing a compelling argument.

Answer 57

So the writers point is that obesity is a broad issue in America, and the ones to blame are the restaurants.

The writer then flows into the first paragraph utilizing anecdotal evidence from theirs, and the readers, experience of restaurants particularly in the fast food scene. This is all to make the point that there is a lack of nutritional information, which would be the restaurants fault. This point is lost on me as when I've walked into fast food chains, I've seen caloric information presented at least, for food and drinks. She then brings up the point of the economic value of fast food, which is created by the restaurants which entices consumers to go there.

(Two points, one paragraph, all to support the claim that she's making).

Answer 58

She then moves into her second paragraph, stating why we, as the readers, ought to care; America has a large and growing diabetes problem, and that we spend a lot of money on this issue. Yet she never actually says that 'fast food causes diabetes.' She leaves that implicitly, for the reader to jump to. Yet where is the proof? What even is diabetes? She fails to provide a source which joins diabetes to fast food, making this paragraph essentially useless.

Answer 59

The significance of the problem is not really explained well because you can go into a restaurant and ask for nutritional information and the calorie count is put on the menu as well. Then the writer goes into cost of food which is created by restaurants to entice consumers to go there.
Then the writer goes onto the second paragraph saying why we should care. The writer than says that 2.6 billion $ goes into diabetes medical care and the obesity rates are growing, but never actually states the fast food causes diabetes. Giving the paragraph no actual footing.

This what i wrote

Answer 60

Her third paragraph brings up the awareness as an issue, that "if children/teenagers were aware of how bad it is for them, would they still consume it." Probably not."

It's a valid point. Awareness is a problem. And whilst I commonly see anti-electronic smoking ads on SnapChat, I've never seen anything about fast food. At least, anything that stuck. The problem is that she leads into 'There's no nutrition facts on the sides of French fries so how how bad could they really be?" Not is a poorly grammatically formed sentence, but is it McDonald's duty to say on each food product 'this might kill you.'

The problem is that anything might kill you, food wise. Eat too much of any food containing fat, and you can get heart disease. Nuts and fish for example, not stereo typically viewed as bad, are still high in fat.

Answer 61

If you can give a grade for this paper, it's probably a C.

Answer 62

true its not the best

Answer 63

And the weak argument culminates in her conclusion with: "Consumers cannot be blamed for obesity due to the lack of knowledge about what they are consuming. "

Everyone knows it's bad. But they eat it anyway. Everyone knows getting incredibly fat and thus overweight, and then obese, is bad. They see it when they go to McDonalds frequently, yet they still do it.

I do agree, we need more awareness particularly on how devastating it is. Yet she skirts around the responsibility of consumers to consume wisely.

Answer 64

Does the author use ethos effectively? ?

Answer 65

To answer some of the questions:

Is the significance of the problem in the paper explained? Is the significance compelling?
-She tried this in the second body paragraph mainly, then a couple other places. I've shared my thoughts on that.

Are the ideas developed logically and thoroughly?
-Whilst I don't agree with the logic, she did stay true to the logic of consumers presenting the food bearing the responsibility to inform consumers of it's negative effects. Thorough? She was poor on sources (only one, which dominated her essay).

Does the author use ethos effectively?
-The article she sited provides some 'credibility' as well as when she'd step into the audience such as: "Just about every single American has been to a fast food restaurant and what do you see?" Who does the reader trust more, than themselves?

Answer 66

Does the author use pathos effectively?
-Here are some examples of her using emotional appeal:
"Many people who do suffer from obesity might not even have the answers to these questions. Obesity is not necessarily the consumers fault. If anything, restaurants are to blame for this problem." --> Essentially, 'people suffer,' lets the reader soak in the emotions that rise out of that, then gives them a villain.

Here's another one: "That is two point six billion dollars spent on diabetes alone. Imagine how many burgers you can buy with that!"

Answer 67

Are different viewpoints acknowledged?
-No
Are objections effectively handled?
-No
Does the author give adequate explanations about sources used?
-Eh
Are the sources well-integrated into the paper, or do they seem to be added in just for the sake of adding sources?
-The latter
Is the word choice specific, concrete and interesting?
-Not a bad writer when it comes to this.
Are the sentences clear?
-Clarity is subpar, could be better.
Is the overall organization of the argument effective?
-Ineffective as I've expressed.
Are the transitions between paragraphs smooth?
-"With all that being said" smooth transited from 2nd body to 3rd body. Not a terrible writer as I said.
Are there any grammatical errors?
-Quite a few.

Answer 68

Remember to hit on the lack of MLA citations after her article quote.

Answer 69

The best critique of her writing is for her to do more research, and think about her points more. If she did that, no doubt it would be a better essay.

Answer 70

Her lack of credible sources was unappealing. And her anecdotal points were shallow, whereas her deepest point in relation to diabetes was not well though out, or supported.