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Nerdyhuman:

Can anyone help me finish a children's story/ edit it and make it sound good?

Nerdyhuman:

She hated being trapped in such a small room within a cabin, to her is a cage, far away from society. It was cold and scary, those dark woods were to the watchful eye. It was a time to truly feel afraid, to push the frontiers of her rigid sense of fear. Her parents loved the idea of being off the grid. However, the girl had no one, but her parents, whom she despised greatly. No friends were ever made, unless you count the terrifying monsters that stalked about the shadows; yet she was lonely and had no life. She was only twelve years old and while the education she received was from the various stacks of books hidden away in their “library,” it was never enough. She envied the characters’ grand adventures since she never got to go out on her own. At least the girl managed to learn a few valuable skills as she became well-versed in multiple languages, even learning the art of hunting, which seemingly her parents could never achieve. Besides learning various skills that could impress even the most well-trained huntsman, her vast hunger for knowledge and stories consumed her free time. Many of her favourite stories included a prince saving the princess and falling in love or a mysterious cold case from the view of a retired detective. Her favorite story by far, no matter what her parents say, is “Woods and Wolves.” She feels connected with the princess since they both feel like they will never be good enough. The girl isn’t brave enough to face her parents and she wishes she could be more like the wolf. Every time she opens the leather bounds of the book, the summary of the story stares back at her, giving her flashbacks of when she read it the first time. The book describes the story as such, “The story is about a young princess, about the age of 12, who eventually becomes queen after her mother steps down. However, she feels as if she is never going to be good enough to replace her mother. Every night after the kingdom would fall into a deep slumber, she would escape from her window by a rope of bedsheets and escape for hours after dark. Yet, the night before her 13th birthday, she met a terrible wolf who wished to eat her for venturing too far into his lair. She made the wolf an offer, where she will teach the wolf where the best hunting grounds are, and he teaches her to be a great leader like the Alpha of the pack.” The story inspired the girl so much that she also wanted to go on her own adventure. So, she packed up a backpack of items like a notebook, pen, a few snacks, and plenty of water. Then, when it became dark outside and her parents were fast asleep, she snuck outside and went deep into the woods. Of course, this would be her first time travelling outside by herself, since her parents forbade going into a world of danger. The girl did not care what they believed because she knew that they were being overprotective. Even if the woods are dangerous, she is not little any more and the thought of encountering even the smallest thing thrilled her. As she traveled through the thick underbrush, many leaves coated with evening dew grazed her hands, feeling as if the forest was reacting to the presence of a new guest. While nature conducted from the evergreens, she spotted a creek that was music to her eyes, a harmony of greens to soothe her heart and soul. Upon the opposing bank, stood a man shallow in his thoughts, and residing in his hands was a fishing rod. Within a bag lying at his feet, which she didn’t notice sooner, a book sat expecting company to arrive. The man seemingly noticed a new presence, for which he looked up and met her eyes with his own. “Hello young one, why are you out so very late this night? Aren’t your parents expecting you to be asleep at this hour?” He asked, a voice coarse and gravely, like the sound of constant static. As the girl looked the man in his eyes, a sense of fear enclosed her, because his eyes were spheres of ivory that lacked sympathy. She asked the man about the book that resided within his bag and if he would be willing to part with it for a short while. He gazed in her direction, the full frosted edges of his gaze filling her with fear, leaned down and exposed the book to the girl. He warned her about the book as it holds great power, some of which are beyond someone’s comprehension. Yet the girl did not listen. Why would she? “It’s just a book.” She said, “You have to be crazy to think that this book could possibly hurt anyone.” So, of course, she read it. What else was she supposed to do? Listen to some stranger in the woods? She adores reading and wasn’t going to let some old fool keep her from doing it. Besides, even if this book contains such “power,” her life would be so much better. Imagine all the possibilities. She could finally be free from a world of isolation, where looking at the cabin walls, she finds sweet relief in letting her eyes come across a safe haven within the withering pages of a book. Although, reading comes at a cost. It can open a new world and she was about to do just that. As she kept reading, she was exposing secrets that no one ever knew. These secrets could change everything: her life, her town, and even the book itself. But she was so lost in the book her mind was gone. She couldn’t stop. It was like the book consumed her. By the time she wanted to stop, it was too late. The book put her under a sleeping spell, and it started to grow. The book itself started to have vines come out of its pages. Upon her waking up, scenes began to suddenly replay in her brain. Remembering the old man fishing in the creek and the book she was given, his words echoed like ghosts in her head, “This book is more powerful than you can imagine, be careful of what you wish for young one.” Glancing around the room she was in, it looked like her room at home, but something just felt out of place. The bedroom was a sacred cocoon, her place of safety in the whole world. All of the shelves were filled with many treasures from her adventures, like a chest full of the pirate king's gold or handsome prince's magical crown, but her favorite was Mr. Snuffles. He is a blue rabbit, the eyes are made of two cute buttons, and the little suit he wears is made of soft silk like the blanket on the girl's bed. Her ceiling fan was slowly swirling around like a ship lost at sea and it made her dizzy if she stared at it too long. The door to her room was cracked open with the hallway light glowing through, which was weird to the girl, because her mom and dad were already asleep. The girl knew something was different. She didn’t understand what, because she couldn’t figure it out. Should she go back to bed? It was very late, but something did not sit well with her. The girl, after all, is very curious and enjoys solving mysteries, and she wanted to follow the light. But first, she wanted to find the book. Could the book give the girl the clue she is searching for? She went towards her bed to find the book, but it wasn’t there. Maybe it fell on the floor, or so she thought; she is a wild sleeper. She even checked her bookshelf, but there was no sign of the book. Unable to find the book, she proceeds towards the light. When she went outside of her door, she noticed a shadow across the hallway. She thought maybe she woke her parents up and whispered sorry across the hall. There was no response and the shadow didn’t go away. Instead, it inched closer to her. It didn’t have feet so it was just a floating being. Maybe she was seeing a ghost; maybe she has lost her mind. Whatever it was terrified the girl because she felt trapped. What did this thing know? What could it do to her? I need to take this story and make it better and more child friendly

DreamingWitch:

I think it is pretty good, actually! Here's something: you add a new line for dialogue.

Nerdyhuman:

well thank you I am trying to rephrase the last few sections a bit but do you think its elementary aged appropriate maybe 5th grade at least?

DreamingWitch:

@nerdyhuman wrote:
well thank you I am trying to rephrase the last few sections a bit but do you think its elementary aged appropriate maybe 5th grade at least?
Yep!

Sailor:

Ok... so like add some dialogue to make the story a bit more interesting, but other than that, it's good!

Nerdyhuman:

okay cool any ideas on where to take it because it can't be super long

Sailor:

Like maybe add dialogue on what the character is thinking

rryyyyyyyyyy:

if your a nerdy human you can do it yourself

Astrid1:

@rryyyyyyyyyy wrote:
if your a nerdy human you can do it yourself
Chill, its just a username.

afflatedAnimism:

Its so good but if you want criticism add dialogue. I know everyone and their mother has said it but yeah dialogue would be best for the story :D

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